Who Am I?

Am I these strings that bind me?
Erasing my dreams that see
But that can’t be for I can be free
Then must I exist in my reverie?

Am I my body, my face, my hair?
That is what attracts the most glare
But how can that be me
If I need to look at a mirror to see

Then I must be a bit of her or him
For I talk of their interests and them
They built pieces of me like many more
Can i be so many yet have my own core?

I wonder what might be the nature of my core
Does it include my qualities like my quality of wanting more?
Or is my core made of my philosophy, my principles, my morality?
But what exactly are these in reality?
Does there exist an SI unit of someone’s core?
Because in life, I have seen immorable people soar
The truthful, naive moral people others abhor

But does it matter who they despise?
Why should I ever chastise
Virtues of mine were in my wise
Not a stepping stone for me to rise
Why then should I mourn their superiority?
Is it not my heart’s depravity,
To seek something of my purity
Contradicting to a point of immorality?

Maybe I am the role I play in this world
But isn’t this role just a role which at me life hurled?
If I consider the world a big stage, what role do I anyway play?
Am I just a passer-by to the billion lives or am I gonna stay?
If I zoom out of my city, state, country, continent, planet and see the vast empty space
Does it matter to the space what is my career pace?
What is the reason for my existence?
Is the reason just to ponder over this question with persistence?
Am I just one of the million atoms floating around in the vast universe?
Or am I the money gloating around in my tiny purse?
They say people find soulmates and marry them
They must be seeing my soul before marrying
Then my soul must be defined by the money I am carrying

Or maybe I am too small to know
The truth that runs all this show
To keep the glory intact
There are trifles that distract
But how could I know if I fall
A prey to these frivolity’s call

Let me start by enslaving the master
The mind that controls shall be the prisoner
So that I can break out of the teachings
Because it definitely triggers my musings
Only when I unlearn will I begin to learn
What my notions have kept hidden

What defines me, I shall set free
Hey me, It’s an open minded quest for thee
Rather than blindly following the norms
Thou shalt question everything in all the forms
Thou shan’t have to follow the conventional cycle of life
Birth, Studies, Job, and then a wife

The process of unlearning is more difficult than learning
Sitting idle is more difficult than earning
Squeezing the paste inside is more difficult than taking it out
Being silent is more powerful than your shout
Forgetting something is more difficult than creating memories
Writing a poem is less expensive than a therapist’s fees

I am learning to unlearn what I earlier learnt
Not use the fancy words, I want to be blunt
The existential crisis that has become the common identity
A place where you are judged by your prosperity
Not your perspective but your money matters
Not your morals but your gold chatters
We are a population divided by money but united by existential crisis
Who is it sitting in the sky playing the dices?
My cluttered thoughts are turning a tad bit more into a clutter
They are following the pattern of a naive butterfly’s flutter

Although my mind is still a muddle
And I have no answer to life’s puzzle
I’ve learnt to find order in the chaos
Taking each day as the life throws

The gibberish I see is a pattern
Which can only be seen if I leave my dark cavern
If I zoom out for a second and try to see
The beautiful pattern is always smiling at me
The nature has it all figured out
It does the best for us, without a doubt
For sudden turns, everyone curse, blame, cry and everyone clings
Only to later realise the greater scheme of things
You can’t see the design and you whine
You are the ant which sees from the FOV nature assign
But someday you will realise
All your life events are a boon in disguise
All that happens with you, has a purpose and a noble reason
If there is winter, always comes a spring season

Wait, is it a validation that I seek from others
Is that why I live, my being shudders
A person telling me that yes, I am insanely good
Isn’t that all we seek in adulthood
Do I just seek an acceptance in this society
A boost to my ego and my vanity
Maybe that is why I do inhuman things- to gel well
Because gel-ing well is more important that skipping hell
Does my whole sense of being revolve around looking cool
If my life is a car, is admiration the only fuel?

Ah, any interesting analogy of my life being a car!
Fuel stations may sometimes be near and sometimes far
The fuel may be a happy memory, a tiny success, a good conversation
Something which keeps me going till the next station
A constant love amounts a lot
If something feels right, it’s worth a shot
A bumpy ride sometimes till I hit the highway road
Sometimes the fuel might end and I may need to be towed
Sometimes all I require is a small push or kick start acceleration
A push which leads me to my destination
Or maybe just sends me to next station

My mind, you see, is full of chaos
The universe might have said “You want me to increase entropy? - Here goes”
I wonder if the stable mind is better than a chaotic one
I wonder how does the stable one have some fun
Or maybe it is a matter of multiple states of mind
Where it goes through happiness, sadness and rewind

Lack of reference frame renders the question “Who am I” pointless
Who is supposed to answer - you need to address
For a wife, you are a husband
For a friend, you are a friend
For a daughter, you are a mother
For a sister, you are a brother

If the question is aimed at you, yourself
Its a loop within a loop itself
You can’t say ‘to publish something’ is definition of ‘publication’
You don’t say ‘to converse’ means ‘having a conversation’
I am asking myself that who am I
If I know where my thoughts generate, it will simplify
Where am I actually expecting the answer from is the answer in itself
Which component is answering that within myself
Maybe I am my brain, or maybe I am my mind
Where is this thought originating from is what I need to find
I maybe am my heart, or maybe my conscience
Or maybe I will find out with some advancements in science

But one thing I know for sure is that I am deeper than my skin
A vessel and what’s inside the vessel can not always be akin
Although the structure or material might tell you a lot or might not
It’s definitely not all what a vessel has got
But I wonder why we put all our time to keep the vessel shining
Why not spend more time in thinking and thoughts mining
Maybe because nobody is ready to climb up and peep inside the vessel
As it may be causing a lot of hassle
Every hemisphere requires another one to complete a closed sphere
Maybe being with someone is the law of nature and it’s only fair
I would have left my thoughts to wander more, but I do not dare
In getting distracted, I have a natural flair

Maybe the distraction is the real order and the real order a distraction
Maybe a dream is a reality and reality a dream in action
At this point, I think I should take a bath
To save myself from my mother’s telephonic wrath
Hopefully, I have confused you a lot
You’ll miss me in the 2050 - the world of bot!