We seek evidence and data to support what we believe, not the other way around. Confirmation bias is like a swamp you don’t realise you’re in. Confirmation bias is everywhere, we’re just too blind to see it. Once we see it, we’re too stuck in the swamp to be able to pull ourselves out.
We tell ourselves -
- “I’m too bad at Math” without doing any Math
- “I absolutely hate paalak” without eating paalak
- “My speed is pretty bad. I’m slow”
- “I don’t think I write well”
- “I’m a sweet tooth person”
- “My voice is pathetic”
- “I can’t exercise” without giving it a genuine shot
- “I don’t talk much. I am not an expressive person”
- “I hate treks”
- “I am not a fun party person”
- Recently, a good friend of mine told me that she is “not good at writing just because she is not”. Writing is a big part of her job description. I hope she doesn’t keep repeating this for herself
We negative self-talk. We tell ourselves these things for long periods of time, making us convinced about these problems. We make it sound like it’s a part of our genetic makeup. Like it’s something we’re born with. Like it’s something unfixable. Something no matter how much we try, we’ll never be able to find a way to change it. Most of the times, this is not true. What we do in the process is deprive ourselves of many things. We deprive ourselves of new experiences, opportunities, joys. We hinder our own path towards growth. We hinder our own path towards our goals. Might not be obvious to you immediately, but after you think or speak - see if what you’re saying is a positive or negative thing to propagate to your own sub-conscious mind. Do not propagate negativity in your own self :) We have huge potential to change. Even if some of this may be true by some data - empirical or otherwise - tell yourself that you’re going to become good at it and every opportunity to do it is just an opportunity to improve and eventually become best at it.
For eg. “I’m too bad at Math” should get you on the mission to be good at it. To take every opportunity to be better at it, if Math matters to you. I told myself “I’m too good at Physics and too bad at Math” in my JEE days almost everyday. Resulted in me studying only Physics and getting really good score in JEE Physics and pathetic in Math. I realised my mistake and changed my narrative in BITS. I started reminding myself that I am the same person who got into Math Olympiad and I can be good at it again if I want to be good at it again. I started telling myself “Let me do these 15 things and see if I can beat it. Won’t let Math beat me everytime. Once is already too much. Let’s show Math who is the boss here. Aise kaise nahi hoga agar dhang se karungi toh” and I started spending more time with the Calculus book we had. Eventually, I got a good grade and my 2-year fear finally disappeared - replacing with a newer bad narrative - “I am good at algebra and geometry. Not good at integration and complex math.” 😝 but that’s a story for another day. 😅 Complex Math stopped mattering and I never bothered.
All I meant to convey with the above example was - we decide our narratives and then the narratives decide us. This should be quoted to me :P Wrapping up. Would also advice to read about Zohrenism to learn something interesting about our minds reading data and forming conclusions.
“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.”
“Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right”
Originally written by Shilpi Agrawal long back. Originally published here itself. Written in quick 15 minutes.